The Email That Quietly Changed My Career - Newsletter #59

Eight years ago last week, I received an email that quietly changed the direction of my career.

I had been selected to present at Microsoft Ignite.

The session was called How to Kick Fear and Toxicity Out of the Workplace: A Practical Guide

At the time, I was an independent consultant and a Microsoft MVP. I was excited, grateful for the opportunity, but I had no idea that saying "yes" to one conference session would shape the next eight years of my professional life.

As I have had another birthday, I've found myself reflecting on the moments that quietly redirect our lives.

Not the ones we recognize immediately.

The ones that only make sense when we look back.

Here's what almost nobody knows.

That presentation wasn't created because I wanted another conference session.

It was created because I was angry.

The presentation wasn't the beginning.

The beginning was learning that someone I respected and cared deeply about had walked out of a meeting in tears after being publicly belittled by a senior leader whom I also knew.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I couldn't fix what had happened.

But I also couldn't pretend it hadn't.

So I wrote.

The blog post was direct enough that more than one person warned me it might be a career-limiting move.

Maybe they were right.

Instead of letting the conversation end there, I turned it into a presentation.

That presentation became How to Kick Fear and Toxicity Out of the Workplace.

A few months later, on September 26, 2018, I walked onto the Microsoft Ignite expo floor expecting to find about 50 people gathered around the small theater.

Instead, there were nearly 400.

People weren't just sitting in the theater space. They were standing in the aisles, sitting on the floor, spilling into the walkways between sponsor booths, and gathering anywhere they could hear.

I actually stopped in my tracks.

I had been running from another session. I plugged in my laptop, took a deep breath, and began. It was a 20-minute session, 16 slides.

By the time I finished, my phone wouldn't stop buzzing.

Back then it was Facebook and Twitter. People found me on the show floor throughout the week. They stopped me in hallways. They shared stories I had never heard before.

The question wasn't really about my presentation.

It was:

"How do I navigate this?"

That was the moment I realized this conversation was so much bigger than me.

Over the next eight years, the presentation continued to evolve.

Not because I changed it.

Because people changed it.

Every conference. Every hallway conversation. Every difficult question.

Every leader willing to admit, "I'm not sure how to handle this."

Every employee asking, "How do I navigate this?"

made the presentation better.

I didn't spend eight years giving the same presentation.

I spent eight years listening.

And every audience left it a little better than they found it.

Over time, the session evolved into Cultivating Trust and Leadership Excellence: Strategies for Respect and Empathy in the Workplace.

The conversation shifted from identifying toxic behaviors to building healthy cultures.

One of the most valuable additions came after I joined Microsoft through our leadership and manager training: Team Agreements.

The idea is wonderfully simple.

Before you focus on goals, projects, or performance, spend time agreeing on how you'll work together.

How will we communicate?

How will we give feedback?

How will we handle conflict?

What behaviors are expected, and what behaviors won't be tolerated?

I've watched this simple exercise transform teams.

It doesn't eliminate disagreement. It creates shared expectations and accountability.

Bullies don't like boundaries. Healthy teams do.

I've always smiled at how Team Agreements feel like a workplace cousin to one of my favorite books, The Four Agreements, whose wisdom has lived on a sticky note in my line of sight for years. One asks how I choose to show up in the world. The other asks how we choose to show up for one another.

Looking back now, I realize that I wasn't really giving presentations about toxic workplaces.

I was talking about dignity.

About respect. About empathy. About courage.

About the kind of leaders we choose to become.

Those conversations eventually influenced so much of what I care about today: belonging, community, women's leadership, psychological safety, and helping people create spaces where others can do their best work.

The titles have changed.

The mission hasn't.

As I was scrolling Facebook, one of those "On This Day" memories appeared.

It was that original post announcing that I'd been selected to present at Microsoft Ignite.

I smiled when I saw myself write that I was "grateful and thankful for the opportunity."

Reading it eight years later, I realized I wasn't just looking at an old Facebook post.

I was looking at the moment before my life changed.

The biggest lesson I've learned is this:

We rarely know which small act of courage will shape the next decade.

Sometimes someone else's tears become the reason you decide to speak.

You don't realize until years later that you've found part of your life's work.

My colleague and I are still dear friends. Before publishing this piece, I shared it with her, and we found ourselves talking about that moment again eight years later.

I'm grateful to everyone who has wandered over to this session at some event or other about workplace culture in the middle of a technology conference. Something brought you there that day. I hope you left with at least one idea, one conversation, or one small shift in perspective that helped make your workplace a little kinder, a little healthier, and a little more human.

If this story resonates with you, don't let it end here. Take one small action this week. Reach out to someone. Start a conversation. Create a Team Agreement. Thank a leader who made a difference. Be the reason someone feels a little more respected when they leave work than when they arrived.

❤️

P.S. The story doesn't end here. On September 26, I'll share what happened when I walked onto the Microsoft Ignite expo floor expecting about 50 people... and found nearly 400 waiting. Looking back, that day became one of the most defining moments of my career.

Empathy makes us human; actions make us warriors.

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