If You Love a Woman, Help Keep Her Safe #14

This conversation isn’t just for men.
It’s for all of us - partners, parents, friends, sisters, coworkers, and communities.

Women have always protected one another quietly.
Now we need to do it out loud, even more with each other.

What care looks like right now

We check in.
We share locations.
We wait for the “home safe” text.
We walk each other to the cars.
We stay on the phone until someone’s inside.

Adding personal safety tools to that care isn’t extreme; it is real and practical.

Ask your friend:

• Do you have a safety alarm?

• Do you carry anything for protection?

• Do you want something discreet or something loud?

Those questions are love.

Women are the ones who show up prepared

Women are the ones who carry the whistles.
Who knows where the exits are.
Who warn each other in group chats and comment sections.
Who share tips online because no one formally taught us how to survive. We taught each other.

We are told:
Don’t open the door.
Don’t wear headphones.
Don’t accept a drink.
Don’t stop the car, drive it to the police station.
Don’t be alone.
Don’t run in the woods.
Don’t wear that.
Don’t go there.
Don’t trust him.

No matter what we do, the burden keeps landing on us.

And that’s the part that has to change.

Because safety cannot rest solely on women learning how to avoid harm. At some point, the responsibility has to land where it belongs, with men changing behavior, holding one another accountable, and actively supporting the women in their lives.

My Christmas list told a bigger story than I realized

Over the past few years, my Christmas lists have shifted. Instead of books, candles, or makeup, I started asking for things like pepper spray, personal safety alarms, and other defensive items.

It might sound grim at first, but what it actually did was open a conversation.

My dad.
My brother.
My boyfriend.

They began to more deeply understand something women have always known: we move through the world differently.

That awareness became tangible when both my dad and my boyfriend bought me a Birdie personal safety alarm independently. When we realized they both had given me one and laughed about a duplicate, I said, Oh no, I’m not taking one back.

One went on my keychain.
The other got put in my car.

That’s not paranoia.
That’s redundancy.

It’s the same reason we back up our data, carry extra chargers, and keep spare keys. It’s planning for the world as it is, not the one we wish it were.

These tools aren’t about fear. They are about agency

Personal safety devices aren’t about living in fear. They’re about having options.

They help create:

• visibility

• attention

• documentation

• time

They don’t replace awareness; they support it. They’re a backup when you’re alone and need something tangible.

Support doesn’t have to be expensive or dramatic

Here’s something we don’t say enough:

A personal safety device often costs about the same as lunch, makeup, or a small gift.

A Birdie alarm costs about what you’d spend on brunch.
Invisawear jewelry costs about what you’d spend on a night out.

The difference is longevity.

Lunch gets eaten.
Makeup runs out.
Flowers fade.

Safety stays.

Buying a friend a safety device instead of another consumable isn’t bleak, is thoughtful. It says:

I’m thinking about you when I’m not there.
I believe what you’re navigating.
I want you to have options.

Personal Safety Resources (Women-Focused & Everyday)

Birdie
Personal safety alarms designed by women, for women - loud sirens and flashing lights to draw attention quickly.
https://www.shesbirdie.com 

Invisawear
Discreet smart jewelry with built-in SOS that sends your location to trusted contacts.
https://www.invisawear.com

Damsel in Defense
Non-lethal personal protection tools paired with education on awareness and preparedness.
https://www.damselindefense.net

Bracelet window breaker

Defense Divas
Stylish, functional self-defense items designed to blend into everyday life.
https://www.divasfordefense.com

Wearable Body Cameras
Small, clip-on cameras for personal documentation and evidence which is useful for everyday safety and peace of mind.
https://www.keocam.com

https://www.transcend-info.com/product/body-camera

I recognize my privilege in being able to afford safety tools, and I know that real protection also comes from what costs nothing: talking to each other, making plans, sharing locations, calling, texting, training, practicing, and showing up for one another.

The Reality We Can’t Ignore

Nearly every minute, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted.
And every year, thousands of women are killed; most often by men they know.

These numbers aren’t abstract. They are the background reality many women are quietly navigating every day.

And not everyone is encountering this reality for the first time.

A Black girlfriend of mine said something to me this week that hasn’t left me: “We’ve navigated this for so long. It’s a club no one wants to be in.” She wasn’t speaking metaphorically. The Black community has lived with this reality, of heightened risk, vigilance, and loss, for generations. Black women are six times more likely to be murdered than white women. Names like Breonna Taylor and Keith Porter are not abstractions; they are reminders that brown and black communities have been moving through the world carefully long before the rest of us were willing to name why.

And sometimes, statistics stop being numbers.

I’m sharing all of this because I am worried, and because I care about people. This past week, a woman named Renee Nicole Good was killed by a federal ICE agent. She was a daughter, a mother, a queer woman, a community member. Her name matters. Her life mattered. Moments like this make it impossible to pretend that conversations about safety are abstract or optional. People are being kidnapped and murdered. These things are happening in real time, to real people. If carrying an alarm, wearing a device, keeping a whistle on your keychain, checking in on a friend, or buying someone a piece of protection helps even a little, then it’s worth talking about. It’s worth acting. Because caring about people means wanting them to come home. When messages, comments, and statements about safety, accountability, or whose lives matter come from positions of power, they don’t stay theoretical; they shape culture, how people behave, what gets normalized, and who feels protected.

This moment is also about using your voice - we need to be talking to each other, we need to be asking questions. We need to share what we see and how we feel. We need to capture things; this is history, proof of what is happening, proof that we are here. All small actions and conversations locally - in your home, community, neighborhood, all the third places, and at work are what bring awareness, change, and ultimately the world we want to live in.

I keep seeing author Margaret Atwood's quote everywhere (Second Words (1982) ‘Writing the Male Character’), and it is real.

“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

This isn’t about fear.
It’s about care, responsibility, and refusing to carry this alone.

Thank you for reading. I believe that:

Empathy makes us human; actions make us warriors.

I don’t get any affiliate or compensation for the products I mentioned; I own all of these myself.

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