Feedback, Friendship & the People Who Tell You the Truth - Newsletter #47

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Feedback, Friendship & the People Who Tell You the Truth

Conversations rising and falling like little waves. I walked into a room last week and felt that familiar mix of excitement and comfort. The kind that comes from being surrounded by people who get you. People who cheer for you. People who show up.

But this time something felt different.

Because as much as I love the energy of a busy room, what stayed with me long after the event were the quiet conversations tucked into corners. The ones where someone leans in a little closer. The ones that begin with, “Can I tell you something honestly?”

Those moments are a gift. Not the shiny gift with a bow on top, but the kind wrapped in trust. Feedback. Truth. Reflection. It is the kind of generosity that comes from people who care enough to tell you the thing they could easily keep to themselves.

I have been thinking a lot about those people. The truth tellers. The friends and colleagues who do more than applaud. They help you sharpen. Ground. Reroute when needed. They are the ones who see you clearly and want you to see yourself clearly too.

Here is what I know. Every community needs cheerleaders. But every leader needs truth tellers.

The older I get, the more I understand that feedback is not about pointing out flaws. It is about strengthening foundations. It is the person who says, “Your work is great, but here is where it could be even stronger.” Or “You look tired. How can I support you?” Or “I love that idea, and I also think you are stretching too thin. Let’s talk about that.”

That kind of honesty is a form of care.

We often talk about community in terms of belonging and celebration. And that matters deeply. But real belonging is not built only on applause. It is built on the courage to speak truth with love and the courage to receive it with openness.

The first time someone gave me tough feedback, I will be honest, I bristled. I felt my chest tighten. My brain went into defense mode. I wanted to explain. To justify. To say, “You do not understand what I was trying to do.” But about halfway through my mental protest, something softened. I realized this person was not criticizing me. They were investing in me.

Their honesty was an act of support.

Ever since then, I have learned to recognize the feeling. The slight sting that comes right before the clarity. The moment of “Ouch” that leads to “Oh.” And eventually, to “Thank you.”

We do not talk enough about the people who do this for us. The friends who pull us aside, not to diminish us, but to make sure we do not sell ourselves short. The colleagues who say, “I see more in you than you are showing.” The mentors who hold up the mirror so we can meet the next version of ourselves.

These are the people who help us grow with intention. These are the people who help us stay true to the things we claim to care about. And they deserve to be celebrated too.

Feedback is not about making you smaller. It is about helping you stretch in the right direction.

There is something special about having people in your life who believe in your potential enough to risk discomfort. People who choose honesty over easy praise. People who understand that real support sometimes sounds like, “I know you can do better.” And who trust that your relationship is strong enough to hold that truth.

If you have someone like that in your life, pause today and think of them. The friend who pushes you. The colleague who reminds you of your power. The person who tells you the truth with kindness and conviction.

Send them a note. Thank them. Let them know their courage matters.

We grow faster and stronger when we are surrounded by people who are brave enough to tell us the truth and kind enough to deliver it with care.

Those are the people I treasure the most. The ones who love me enough to tell me the truth. The ones who trust me enough to know I can take it. The ones who make me better, not by polishing my image, but by strengthening my core.

Honest feedback is a form of friendship. It is a form of leadership. And it is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other.

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